I have absolutely no interest in sex, the opposite sex, the same sex, any sex. seriously. It is weird. I have ALWAYS been a little extra frisky in the gettin busy department. It has been two years and I just don’t care. I am no longer heartbroken over the big JC loss, but just not interested in putting myself out there at all. I try, on occasion, to care that I am lonely, but I don’t really care and I am too busy to be lonely. On occasion, in the middle of an especially wine induced stupor i try to get jiggy with it…and my jiggy just don’t get it. My jiggy forgot how to jig i think.
That is too bad, because sex and love and lust is so much fun–even alone in my own bed it was fun. I’m only 36 yrs. old, surely it will all come back to me soon. Maybe one day soon I will mow down the weeds and dust off the cobwebs and take this sucker out for a spin…it is too hard to concentrate on smelling good and tasting good and looking sexy and finding clean underwear, much less matching underwear and bras. I don’t know how woman keep it up for so long.
I think it could be my meds. Since they are mood stabilizers, i cannot go hypo and get crazy loin fever. I had two “papa don’t preach” babies, so I know what it is like to go crazy fucking some cowboy-boot wearing, pool playing, two-stepping cowboy. Let me tell you, its kind of fun to go wild and be the most beautiful babe in the room and know that you can have almost any man around. (mania talking). It is a definite ego boost and very stimulating.
problem one, i know, is my size 16 ass refuses to melt away. I don’t care too much about losing weight right now, probably because that leads to new panties and new panties always leads to someone taking them off of me. As long as i am this fat I know I will never want a man messing around down there.
I think, too, though, that I know what happens to me when I start paying attention to that other person. I become frantic, concentrating on me and only me, forgetting my kids, forgetting my life, forgetting that I am a mom first. I don’t want to hurt my kids any more than I have already, so I think my deadness in my nether regions is saving my kids for me and that is a good thing. I’m only 36 and I have plenty of time to get busy with some other cowboy. until then, i’m saving so much money on birth control, bikini panties, cinnamon flavored body oil etc.
Summary: who needs a chastity belt when you have mood stabilizers and size 16 jeans.
Im pissed because: The expiration date on my cinnamon flavored body oil is next wednesday.
j
