Savannah came home today and of course was all manicky not only because she was happy to get out of jail, but also because the fucking idiots at the detention center forgot to give her her medicine last night–even after i spoke to the commander last week.
so anyway, she comes home all happy and hugging everyone and of course jason wouldn’t hug her; he said she was a dumbass and he wouldn’t hug her. I know i sound like a 10 year old, but he is a fucking fat asshole.
seriously, he is 32 years old; lives on the couch downstairs and has done nothing but play video games for the last 3 months before my parents finally made him get a job. now, he has decided he wants to take over savannah’s room upstairs so now Kati has to move all of her toys back into my room so savannah can have that room and we have to put up with him up here. He weighs 350 pounds and sits around talking about what a wonderful football player he was in highschool and how many fine girlfriends he had. Key word–HAD.
Savannah comes upstairs crying calling him a dickhead and all i can say is “calm down” when what i want to do is grab my coffee mug and throw it downstairs on his fucking head…and in my head i am thinking dickhead dickhead dickhead…
Savannah is happy to be home, but i am worried she will have a bad day at school again tomorrow. she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions; instead blaming the school for telling on her, her probation officer for arresting her, me for allowing it and the judge for making her stay a week…not herself because she wouldn’t follow school rules, or herself for getting put on probation in the first place. until she learns that it is her fault she will never ever learn.
she is holding me hostage everyday until she turns 18. i am a prisoner of her hatefulness, mania, depression, violence, hostility, etc. It has been two years already since her first major bipolar outburst and we still haven’t made it very far–and i think we have a much further way to go.
i’m really tired and really sad.
